Written April 25, 2018
This evening I found myself on a thoughtful, solo walk in the park. Gratefully my life offers this now. I have been contemplative lately. I decided to call Emma to ask for an ear. Wasn’t even sure what I would say. I just needed to tell her my heart at the moment. I’d had these conversations with me, but I haven’t been able to surface solid direction. I warned her that I have “pink eye” (happens every moon or so), and to opposite-of-magnify everything I say. I started. “Em, I feel. Stuck.” She responded immediately. “I have been wondering when I was going to get this call.” “Really?” “Yes, Mom. This isn’t what you’re made for. This isn’t your dream. Sure, it was good to get out of the country and get to the city, but you can’t not follow your dreams. You just needed to rest, to recharge….” and she kept going, like I had already told her everything in my soul and current moment, and she said all of the things that are. Then she started right in to brainstorming things I could do to feel less stuck and to begin. Some of what she said, I have already begun. So it was in part a reminder to keep building little by little, to stay open to opportunity, and to think creatively. I never even got to pour out my emotional pink eye on her. She knew exactly where I was tonight, and gave her best knowledge of my needs straight to me. I am over-the-moon proud of my daughter. She is a beautiful human. And, I feel excited. This is where I start. I write my story. I write so that I am doing something I love that only requires a Chromebook and some minutes. Lots of minutes writing. Oh, that feels unstuck! Unstuck is a good thing to feel.